unHOLY Fridays: UNinhibited

Often on a Sunday morning during the time of musical worship, I'll see kids dancing, jumping, shouting.  They are excited.  They are not worried about who is watching. They are not worried about looking stupid. They have no worries in that moment. They are present in that very space doing what kids do.

Now, I'm sure we could take this into a direction that wonders whether or not they are "worshiping" in the sense that when you are 3, 4, 5 years old what can you/do you comprehend in this way. But I think they do. I think that in the simple understandings that they have, they are worshiping and it is sweet and wonderful.

In fact, I think this kind of uninhibited worship is part of what Jesus points to in Matthew 18. He talks about becoming like little children to get into the Kingdom of Heaven. And then such a great line by Jesus that is packed with so much: "So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven."

It was kids who had no position and no rights in Jesus' day. They were submissive to their elders and meant to obey. They didn't try to climb the ladder of success because what would the point be in trying? They were "lowly" kids. And as such, what did they have to lose?

When we having nothing to lose, we become uninhibited. We stop worrying about who's watching, how we look, that we might screw up. We can worship with our whole lives. We can run and fall like a kid learning to run - and that's okay. We can let the crumbs of our feasting for God stick to our faces.

But there is importance in remembering, it is our humility that makes us child-like, not our immaturity. God wants us to grow and flourish - but in an incredible uninhibited way.

Be uninhibited today.

unHOLY Fridays: UNshaken (my confession)

Recently I attended a showing of the Broadway classic Les Miserables.  It wasn't, however, on Broadway.  It was done by a community theatre group of children and youth. Some of the kids have been in dozens of shows. Some of the kids were quite new to the whole theatre scene.

As far as community theatre goes, this show had a few more hiccups than one might hope. It was closing night, and the run had been pretty solid to that point. Their glitches had been minimal. But of course, I wasn't at the other shows. I was at the final show.

The show started off well. Some great voices. Some enjoyable young personalities. And then some glitches began to creep in. They were mostly small and relatively unnoticeable. A mic glitch. Some technical things that just happen no matter how prepared you are. Those types of things.

It was almost to the intermission when the young girl playing Eponine - a fairly major role - suffered some type of respiratory problem. She coughed and sputtered and collapsed to the floor.  There was an early intermission taken. An ambulance was called. Things didn't look great.

I'll be honest. I thought we would be sent home. It was a youth theatre production - there aren't understudies.  The cast is the cast. However, the director stepped in...and the show went on.

The kids didn't miss a beat. They were completely unshaken by the circumstances. You'd think that a group of young teens would be on edge, nervous, worried, or just plain spun for a loop. But these kids went on like pros. Despite the hiccups and despite a fairly serious circumstance with one of the lead characters - and one of their friends - the kids rocked the remainder of the show. Unshaken.

I'd like to think that I have that kind of faith. The "lead-character-goes-down-and-I-don't-even-blink" kind of faith.  The "I-meet-so-many-roadblocks-it-doesn't-even-faze-me-anymore" kind of faith. But I'm not sure that I am always entirely unshakable.

My confession is this: I have a bad day and I question God's motives. I go through a trying time and I ask God why and what I'm supposed to be learning, but am frustrated and annoyed while I do. When negative things come my way, it often appears as though I'm easy going and playing it cool, but my inner-dialogue with God is anything but easy going.

So my prayer is that I (and you too!) can be more like those kids on the stage - unshaken by circumstances. Ready and willing to continue on with "the show".  Not spun for a loop when the negative things, unfortunate situations, or messy life circumstances come my way.

And so, I wish to remind myself the words of King David when he said:

I see that the LORD is always with me.
      I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. 

He is always near. I need not be shaken.

unHOLY Fridays: UNqualified

I often feel unqualified for many of the things that I have to be.

There is no training to be a friend. Sometimes I am torn between wanting to be a good friend and the wear and tear of the rest of life that inhibits me from it.

There is no training to be a wife.  There should be.  But not the stereotypical things you might think (cooking, cleaning, laundry - blah!), but rather, how to live with someone else, how to appreciate your spouse, and, maybe even how to mind read.  That'd be good.

There's no "mom-training", Bachelor's in Mom-ology, or certificate to gain to be a mom.  (And I often think there should be.)  Unlike many mom's who claim they can determine what is going on based on each nuance of every cry - I can't.  I've got three of them pretty much nailed: hunger, pain, and fatigue.  All others remain a mystery.

There's no training for being a good sister, daughter, member of the family.

You get the idea.

I am thankful that we have the ability to find people in our lives to mentor us.  When I feel unqualified for the things I have to do or the roles I need to fill, it is nice to look towards those who have mentored me and see how they have been able to do these things before me. 

Mentoring is something that few feel qualified for, and yet, we all benefit from.  I have heard so many people say that they wish they had a mentor, and the answer really is easy: just ask someone.

I honestly believe that everyone should have a mentor - but for that to be the case, everyone needs to be willing to be a mentor themselves.  Maybe it's just the word itself that throws people off, but really it doesn't take someone with a perfectly polished life to mentor.  It just takes the willingness to share your journey with others and become a part of theirs.

When it comes to the list of things that I feel unqualified for - this is also probably pretty close to the top of the list.  But the nice thing is that being mentored helps me to mentor well.

So, I want to throw it out there to you.  Are you being mentored? (Who is pouring into your life?)
Are you a mentor? (Whose life are you pouring into?)

And lastly, thanks to all who have mentored me.  I know I'm a work in progress (that's for sure) but your input in my life has made a major impression.

unHOLY Fridays: UNcomfortable

This week at home church, our group got into a discussion about ways to go beyond and do more.  A few thoughts were put on the table when someone mentioned that they liked an idea, but it made them uncomfortable.

I knew the feeling. That happens to me a fair bit. God often pokes at our hearts to step outside of ourselves to do something for His purposes that makes us uncomfortable to reveal His glory all the more.

No one likes to be uncomfortable - (that's why we add the "un" in front of it) - in fact, it's quite the opposite of what we usually work towards.  We work hard to find the comfortable places in life. We work hard to make life comfortable for ourselves and our families.  We work hard so that eventually we don't have to work hard at all.

And yet, sometimes it is when we are put in uncomfortable situations that we have the very best of times, the very best adventures, and are challenged in new ways. Being uncomfortable often forces us into something new, something different, and sometimes, something better.

The Bible is full of the stories of uncomfortable people. 

Think about Noah.  He looked like a crazy person - building an ark when there was nothing (it seemed) to fear. Gathering stinky animals and spending 40 days and 40 nights shut in with them and his family on a boat. The ups and downs of the waves. 40 days and 40 nights with family...stuck...on a ship. Uncomfortable. And yet, Noah was being obedient to God's call.  It saved Noah and his family and allowed God to work as He had desired.

Think about Daniel.  He just wanted to honor God by praying three times a day. And yet, when this became illegal, he did it just the same no matter what the consequence.  He was under constant threat, until, of course, he was found and tossed into the lion's den. He didn't care that he could have been comfortably left alone had he stopped the praying - he chose to follow God they way he had. And with that, an uncomfortable trip to the lion's den. And God remained faithful.
 
Think about Mary: so young, not yet married, pregnant, taking a long trip to an unknown city, having a baby among the animals. THAT, my friends, is uncomfortable.  And yet, the result?  Of course, it was the birth of the Saviour of the world.


In fact, it is hard to think of a story in Scripture that has anything at all to do with comfort. Throughout church history, God's kingdom has advanced through persecution, martyrs, pains, and difficulties. God's plan for His people is often birthed out of many uncomfortable, but incredible, experiences.

And so, why is it that we so often desire comfort?  I want to be challenged. I want to be pushed. I want to be uncomfortable.

Don't get me wrong, I like comfort. But I want to be used by God, and I want to be willing to be uncomfortable for His purposes.  So, at the danger of fearing what it may bring, I'm praying for uncomfortable situations that God will use me for His purposes.

unHOLY Fridays: UNinspired

So, as I sat down to write, I really felt like I had nothing to give.  With nothing in mind, my heart sank a little as I was feeling pretty uninspired.  The reason, I think, my heart sank as it did is that as of late, I have felt like I have had loads to write about, think about, and therefore, blog about.  But today...nothing.

Maybe it was the incredible lack of sleep last night.  Maybe the blah-wet-snow that I can see sitting on top of my neighbour's roof.  Or maybe it was the realization that it is in fact Saturday and not Friday - like I had originally thought.  Whatever the case, uninspired as I was, it got me thinking.

It got me thinking about who and what inspires me.  I think that God drops inspiration on us in various ways at various times. It's neat to see it when it happens - perhaps throw a mundane object that you cross paths with.  Or something that seems like a roadblock that actually becomes a stepping stone.  But I know, quite often, for me it is people.

I love it when I see God doing extraordinary things through ordinary people.  Ordinary people - or even more so - the underdog is often used by God in amazing ways and I find that inspiring.  When I see God use an ordinary person for His purposes, it excited me.  I think, "Hey, I'm just that ordinary!  Maybe God will use me next to do His extraordinary."

And when God uses the underdog, well, that just makes my heart swell.  I am inspired by these people beyond belief.  If you've never seen the movie Simon Birch, I would strongly suggest finding and watching it.  It stars a young guy named Ian Michael Smith. His big personality makes up for his small stature.  At 3'1", his character is an amazing example of God using the little guy.

I won't give away the movie, but I will say this: God uses the underdog in this movie for His purpose in an amazing way.  Simon always believed that God had an incredible plan for his life and for his size.  Sure enough, Simon's faith leads him into the place God intended for him.

I don't cry in movies.  In fact, I'm not sure I've ever cried in another movie.  But the three times I have watched Simon Birch I have balled my eyes out.  Inspired.

It's not grand acts of people who were given the advantage in life that inspire me.  It's not when someone has something handed to them.  It's the little guy.  The fringe people.  It's the ordinary.  That's what inspires me.  I'd love to know what inspires you?

unHOLY Fridays: UNcluttered

Sitting in my living room as I write this blog, I see clutter.  It's unintended clutter, but clutter none the less.  I've got my box of Christmas decorations that has yet to be carried upstairs to our storage closet.  There are a couple of board games, the Christmas presents we received but have yet to put away, a box of scripts, batteries, video games, controllers, magazines, my broom, my guitar that I haven't played in over five months and then the barrage of baby stuff: a bumbo, an exersaucer, a Jolly Jumper, a play mat, bibs, bottles, teddy bears and their friends, Sophie the chew toy and her twin, Sophie #2, teething rings, spit up blankets, the list goes on...

All of this stuff is great stuff.  It's all been a blessing - very little of it is stuff that we have bought, but rather stuff we have been given and we're very appreciative.  But this doesn't negate the fact that as it sits here un-put-away it is part of the clutter.

I'll be honest, not just my physical life feels cluttered.  It can be easy for my mind and spiritual life to feel this same clutter.  My mind can easily become cluttered with thoughts and worries: my husband, my daughter, my job (yes, I know I'm on mat-leave, but it's hard to totally check out!), my extended family, money, appointments, and yeah, my relationship with Jesus too.

It's weird when my spiritual life feels cluttered.  If you've ever had this experience, you know what I mean.  It feels like you can't find the space to just "be" with Jesus.  I feel cluttered with other thoughts: of why I haven't been reading more Scripture, what other theological books I should be reading, hiccups in my prayer life, conversations I'd wish I'd had, podcasts I'd like to hear and so on.

Clearing away the clutter of this stuff can feel just as overwhelming as clearing away the clutter in my living room. You can just start at working at it and realize there is more clutter than you initially thought.  Finding the space for time with Jesus has been tricky lately.  And, it's started to come to the point where I will take what I can get.

This morning, while feeding my daughter, I caught a little time with Jesus.  It was refreshing, but not enough.  To be honest, I'm not sure how and when to get the time and space that I would like with Jesus these days.  I take it in the shower, or when I'm driving while my daughter sleeps, and that's about the best times I get.

I guess the reality of this post is my admission and desire to want more time with Jesus.  I want to give Him my best, but not sure what that is these days.  I long for things to be more uncluttered and probably have to realize that it'll be a work in process (both mentally and physically).  And so, thanks for reading today.  Not my usual post of something more, but just a confession this time around.  If you have any ideas of how to create better space, your help would be awesome.

unHOLY Fridays: UNexpected.

It was this time last year - almost to the day - that I found out that I was pregnant.  It's funny how God changes our plans.  Here's the story of our Erin Penny.

My husband, Sam, and I had a five year plan - that is, we had no plans of kids for at least five years of being married.  Last year, this time, we had only been married 14 months.  To be honest, I was on the pill - like clockwork.  We had JUST burned through our savings when both of our cars simultaneously broke down and needed some major repairs.  All things considered, a baby was certainly not on our radar.

I had taken a group of students to hear Tony Campolo speak at a youth event in Toronto.  While I was there, I started to feel ill.  I had to leave the auditorium and get some fresh air.  I went in and out of that place multiple times.  One of the times I returned from getting air, another person I was at the event with said to me, "You're not pregnant, are you?"  I actually laughed in her face.  I thought that there was no way I could be pregnant.  I left it at that - for the moment.

When I got home, I went into my husband's office where he was working.  I said, "Sam, I don't want to alarm you, but it is possible that I could maybe be pregnant."  I was mostly joking when I said it.  I wanted to make his heart skip a beat.  I thought it was just a bit of a fluke.  However, he couldn't be at ease.  The next day we went to the grocery store to do our regular bi-weekly shopping.  We added a couple of pregnancy tests to the mix.

When we got home, I started to help unload the groceries, to which Sam asked, "What are you doing?"  I looked at him like he had two heads and said, "Unloading the groceries...?"  He said that he'd take care of it and I should head to the bathroom.  And so, that's where I went...and I went.

I always thought that the couple of minutes it would take would feel like an eternity, but it didn't.  It went so quickly, and sure enough, the double lines showed up.  I was pregnant.

It felt unbelievable to me.  I really thought there was no way.  Again, I was on the pill like clockwork.  And yet, it was true.  Pregnant.

We had picked up two tests, and we thought we'd take the second one...you know, just to be sure.

Sure enough, it had the same unholy two lines standing side by side.  Sam was surprisingly calm and reassuring.  He was certain things would be alright.  I was just a tad nervous.  A little freaked.  Terrified.

I wasn't in the frame of mind to be pregnant...to be a mother.  My world consisted of fun with my husband, youth events, curriculum writing, loads of work-related things, walks down to our local pub, Sunday afternoon football.

The world of babies, small clothes, and soothers was a foreign one to me.  What to Expect When You're Expecting was of no relevance.  The discussions of breastfeeding, co-sleeping, midwives, doulas...these weren't real to me.  They were what other women talked about...not me.

After this initial shock wore off, Sam and I grew in our excitement.  I grew in my waistline too.  The experience of being pregnant is something I'll write more about in the future, however, the mental shifts is something that I think a great deal about.

It's a blessing that a baby grows within its mother for 9 months.  9 months is a great amount of time to help a mother's mind shift.  To consider maternal things.  To realize that they will be a mother.  This was my experience.  Moving from an unexpected pregnancy to a 8 lb 2 oz blob of adorable was a pretty surprising journey.

I can't say that I had an "A HA!" moment, or a quick transition from unexpected shock to expectant excitement, but the 9 months allowed me for gradual shifting of my mental state - and my hopes, my expectations, my lifestyle.

I was also conflicted spiritually.  I really thought I knew the direction God was taking me in, and then, all of a sudden, my gears were shifting, and I clearly wasn't doing the shifting on my own.

And then, August 26 came.  And this incredible gift was given to my husband and I.  This beautiful, surprising, and perfect little being.

If you'd have told me near the beginning of December last year what this Christmas was like for me, I would have told you that you were crazy.  Diapers, teething, spit-up blankets.  These things were so foreign to me, and yet, here I am.  A mother.  Still so weird to say.

I know God gives us unexpected gifts, unexpected moments, and allows us to encounter unexpected things in our lives for His purposes.  I know that Erin Penny has an amazing future.  She also has an amazing present.  She's been a beautiful gift to us.  A very unexpected, but beautiful gift.

unHOLY Fridays: UNnecessary

 This is the first post in a new feature called unHOLY Fridays.  Every Friday check out a new post about something un-.  This week: UNnecessary.

I can't help but feel like over the holidays we put a load of unnecessary stress upon ourselves: who should I be buying for, what to get for who, when to see them, what parties to go to, who should I write Christmas cards for, when to say no, the family events we "have to" be at without offending the wrong family member, what to say or not say when with them...it's exhausting.  And, I'd like to say UNnecessary.

Not that I don't think it's important to be with family and friends at Christmas - I do think it's part of the season.  And, Christmas cards and presents can be nice too, but if that's what we're stressing on, we're missing the point.  I'll admit, I sit writing cards wondering, "Who did I miss?"  Because it's Christmas and I don't want to leave anyone out - but to what extent?  Why worry and stress over these things? 

Really, I think admit the parties, the presents, the cards, the "events", the worries, we forget about Christmas.  I mean, true Christmas.

When we are celebrating the birth of Jesus - the arrival of the Christ to usher in His kingdom - we should actually take time and space to celebrate Christ.

A Christmas Eve service can be a beautiful time of reflection on Christ.  So can a family reading of the Nativity story.  But it doesn't need to end there.  Taking time and space for Christ at Christmas just seems to make sense - it's all about Him.

I'm just as guilty as the next guy, but we should stress more on creating space for Christ at Christmas than we do on presents, parties, and the like.

Isaiah 7:14 says, "The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel (which means ‘God is with us’)."

Let's make space for God with us - not just during Christmas but always.  Let's relax in Him during what has become a busy holiday of stress and Santa.  God with us.  He is...let's notice Him.