unHOLY Fridays: UNexpected.

It was this time last year - almost to the day - that I found out that I was pregnant.  It's funny how God changes our plans.  Here's the story of our Erin Penny.

My husband, Sam, and I had a five year plan - that is, we had no plans of kids for at least five years of being married.  Last year, this time, we had only been married 14 months.  To be honest, I was on the pill - like clockwork.  We had JUST burned through our savings when both of our cars simultaneously broke down and needed some major repairs.  All things considered, a baby was certainly not on our radar.

I had taken a group of students to hear Tony Campolo speak at a youth event in Toronto.  While I was there, I started to feel ill.  I had to leave the auditorium and get some fresh air.  I went in and out of that place multiple times.  One of the times I returned from getting air, another person I was at the event with said to me, "You're not pregnant, are you?"  I actually laughed in her face.  I thought that there was no way I could be pregnant.  I left it at that - for the moment.

When I got home, I went into my husband's office where he was working.  I said, "Sam, I don't want to alarm you, but it is possible that I could maybe be pregnant."  I was mostly joking when I said it.  I wanted to make his heart skip a beat.  I thought it was just a bit of a fluke.  However, he couldn't be at ease.  The next day we went to the grocery store to do our regular bi-weekly shopping.  We added a couple of pregnancy tests to the mix.

When we got home, I started to help unload the groceries, to which Sam asked, "What are you doing?"  I looked at him like he had two heads and said, "Unloading the groceries...?"  He said that he'd take care of it and I should head to the bathroom.  And so, that's where I went...and I went.

I always thought that the couple of minutes it would take would feel like an eternity, but it didn't.  It went so quickly, and sure enough, the double lines showed up.  I was pregnant.

It felt unbelievable to me.  I really thought there was no way.  Again, I was on the pill like clockwork.  And yet, it was true.  Pregnant.

We had picked up two tests, and we thought we'd take the second one...you know, just to be sure.

Sure enough, it had the same unholy two lines standing side by side.  Sam was surprisingly calm and reassuring.  He was certain things would be alright.  I was just a tad nervous.  A little freaked.  Terrified.

I wasn't in the frame of mind to be pregnant...to be a mother.  My world consisted of fun with my husband, youth events, curriculum writing, loads of work-related things, walks down to our local pub, Sunday afternoon football.

The world of babies, small clothes, and soothers was a foreign one to me.  What to Expect When You're Expecting was of no relevance.  The discussions of breastfeeding, co-sleeping, midwives, doulas...these weren't real to me.  They were what other women talked about...not me.

After this initial shock wore off, Sam and I grew in our excitement.  I grew in my waistline too.  The experience of being pregnant is something I'll write more about in the future, however, the mental shifts is something that I think a great deal about.

It's a blessing that a baby grows within its mother for 9 months.  9 months is a great amount of time to help a mother's mind shift.  To consider maternal things.  To realize that they will be a mother.  This was my experience.  Moving from an unexpected pregnancy to a 8 lb 2 oz blob of adorable was a pretty surprising journey.

I can't say that I had an "A HA!" moment, or a quick transition from unexpected shock to expectant excitement, but the 9 months allowed me for gradual shifting of my mental state - and my hopes, my expectations, my lifestyle.

I was also conflicted spiritually.  I really thought I knew the direction God was taking me in, and then, all of a sudden, my gears were shifting, and I clearly wasn't doing the shifting on my own.

And then, August 26 came.  And this incredible gift was given to my husband and I.  This beautiful, surprising, and perfect little being.

If you'd have told me near the beginning of December last year what this Christmas was like for me, I would have told you that you were crazy.  Diapers, teething, spit-up blankets.  These things were so foreign to me, and yet, here I am.  A mother.  Still so weird to say.

I know God gives us unexpected gifts, unexpected moments, and allows us to encounter unexpected things in our lives for His purposes.  I know that Erin Penny has an amazing future.  She also has an amazing present.  She's been a beautiful gift to us.  A very unexpected, but beautiful gift.