Who's Your Yoda? (Or the Jack Donaghy to my Liz Lemon)

 The Ninja Turtles had Master Splinter.  Frodo had Gandalf.  Toni Morrison had Maya Angelou.  J.D. had Perry Cox (well, sort of). Luke had Obi Wan & Yoda. Harry had Dumbledore.  Liz Lemon had Jack Donaghy. Anne of Green Gables had Miss Stacey.  Ruth had Naomi.  And, oh yeah, the twelve disciples had Jesus.

The list goes on.  Now if your name was inserted here, how would you fill in the blank:  I have __________.  I'm not just talking about a good friend or even someone that you really can rely on.  I'm referring to a mentor. 

For any nerds out there (like myself), the word mentor comes from the Greek, Mentor - (surprise!).  In Greek mythology, Mentor was a figure who provided wise counsel to Odysseus (in Homer's, The Odyssey).  My friendly thesaurus tells me that a mentor is: a guide, an adviser, a master, or a preceptor.  It goes beyond simply telling someone how to do something (or live), but rather exhibiting those qualities.  One may say: "discipling them." 

I recently did a survey of just under 200 Canadian women from every age bracket.  In this survey, I found that at some point in their life, only 53% of the women have had a mentor.  At present, only 22% of the women surveyed have a mentor.  57% would LIKE to have a mentor.  And the remaining 21% commented that they did not have interest in one (though I'd wager that if they had had a mentor in the past, or have seen a solid example, they may change their tune - but I could be wrong.)

In all, 79% of women surveyed are interested in being mentored.  Additionally, when asked if they themselves are mentors at present, only 30% responded that they are currently mentors.  I strongly believe that if you've never been mentored, you are less likely to be a mentor yourself.  And, in turn, less people are likely to be mentored to mentor others, and on goes the trend.

In a similar survey conducted for men (though admittedly less men responded to the survey), the result were much different:

• 72% had been in mentoring relationships at some point in their life (compared to the 53% of women)
• 39% of men surveyed currently have a mentor (compared to the 22% of women)
• 52% of men surveyed would LIKE a mentor, but are currently without one (compared to the 57% of women who would like a mentor)
• only 9% of men surveyed said they are not interested in being mentored
• 42% of men surveyed said they are currently mentors; 58% are currently not mentors (compared to 30% and 70% respectively for the women)

What do all these stats say?  Well, for one, men are typically doing a better job in the mentor-realm than women, or so it seems.  And, I'd like to speculate that this is for a number of reasons:

1. Look at my starting list.  (Seriously, do the hard work of scrolling back up.  I'll wait.) I really had to dig deep for some female examples of mentors.  I could have gone on and on with male examples in history and fiction, but female examples were fewer and further between...(does the Fairy God-mother count for Cinderella?)
2. Men have "typically" been in roles that push for a mentor figure for much longer than women (business world, ministry, academia, entrepreneurship, etc.)
3. Women may not identify with the term "mentor" even if they are currently or have been mentored in an unofficial way.  E.g. I would suggest that women are actually more inclined to do this naturally than they realize; that is, to find a slightly older, wiser figure to follow in the footsteps of, or be guided by.
4. Men are often (and this is a stereotype, I'll admit), more apt to take the initiative to mentor other men or seek out someone to be mentored by in order to better themselves.  I do believe that many women are too shy, timid, or self-conscious to put themselves out there to approach someone to mentor them or in the reverse, feel inadequate to mentor someone else.  (Yes, this is a generalization, and no, not everyone of either sex falls into the categories.  I sure don't!  However, in the same aforementioned survey, 44% of women admitted that they struggle with issues of self-esteem.)
5. Without an example, it is hard to know what to do.  The concept of mentoring seems pretty strange in our societal context.  I mean, really, older men hanging out with younger men that they aren't related to?  Older women hanging out with younger women that they aren't blood relatives of?  Many people in our culture would think it was a bit strange, (but others "get it" too!)

While there are many reasons why women (and men) are hesitant to dive into the realm of mentoring relationships, I would love to address just a few things.

First, how do you find a mentor?

Whenever I talk about how important I think these relationships are and why I feel so strongly about having a mentor, I often hear the following things: "you (work, live, exist) in a context that allows you to know a number of awesome women who can mentor you."  Though true I would turn that around and say that there are awesome women (and men!) that surround us all - sometimes we just need to look. 

Or, "I think I'd like to ask someone, but it feels weird or awkward."  My thoughts...who would be offended or upset if they were told, "hey, I like how you live (or work, or minister, or whatever) and I want to learn from you and glean your wisdom"?!  That's pretty much the best compliment ever, and not a cause to feel weirded out or awkward by any stretch.

So, in finding a mentor, I would suggest a few things:

1. Pray that God would open your eyes to the amazing people who are already in your life or that you have connections to. 
2. Consider who you "look up to" or have great esteem for.  Why is it that you look up to them and how could you grow by being in a mentoring relationship with them?
3. Once you do have someone in mind, consider: is this what/who I'd like to be?  How will their mentoring affect my life?  My actions?  Will they really challenge me?
4. Don't be afraid of rejection.  Honestly, it can't hurt to ask.  Sure, some people may say no - and that could be for a variety of reasons: time, energy, already mentoring, etc.  Don't take it personally.  Take it as a sign that it just wasn't the right mix and move on to someone else.  

The second thing I want to address is: what is a mentoring relationship like?  Or what do you do?

There are definitely various types of mentoring relationships:

• Formal Mentoring Relationship - In this case, this would be the "mentee" approaching a mentor figure to walk along with them.  You would have a set time frame (is this going to be a long-term thing, or perhaps a "try-out" to see if you click), set meeting times, set goals, (dare I say, create agendas?), provides wisdom and accountability, etc.
• Natural Ongoing Relationship - This is a little more laid back, probably without agendas.  Kind of a "get-together-for-coffee-and-chat-life-stuff" type of relationship.  This is probably developed a little more organically, and doesn't feel overly forced.
• Goal-Oriented or Situational Relationship - This would be a scenario where a mentee desires to develop a certain skill via a mentor.  (E.g. I would love to find a mentor who could help develop my speaking/teaching skills.  Specific and goal-oriented.)

These are just a few, and I would also add that within the three mentioned there are other "subcategories" I would suggest: you may have a ministry mentor if you are in ministry, a business mentor if you are in business, a creative mentor...you get the idea.  You may also have a mentor who is slightly closer to your age and stage of life - perhaps someone who has entered just that next life stage from you; and you may have another that is several years your senior who has that Yoda-esque appeal...("mentor-having good, I say.")

There's so much about these relationships that is awesome.  I could go on.  I could tell you that I have had mentors who have honestly saved my life.  I have had mentors who care selflessly, lead confidently, and who have cheered me on when I needed it (and even when I didn't).  I cannot express the value that I have in mentoring relationships.  And yes, I'm a mentor too.  I cannot imagine journeying without a mentor, and I want to pass along the incredible gift of a mentor to others as well.

And really, who doesn't want to be someone else's Yoda?